The Internet Roast Of DG

What’s up Daily Mixer’s! It’s your boy Producer Jim back at it again with my annual article for the Mix, and boy what an article for me to write. This is all about DG and his tardy punishment from last year’s (that’s right 2016) fantasy football league. I think at this point we all are aware of one of his biggest L’s, as if his new team name this year isn’t overcompensating or anything. But finally.. it is time.

After ironing out all the details and going through a ton of Daily Mix red tape, we’ve finally all agreed on a punishment, and that is posting a picture of DG to the Internet’s best roasters, reddit.com/r/roastme.

For those of you not up on r/roastme, it’s simple, and completely consensual as well. In order to qualify to be roasted by the internet’s best, you must follow these simple steps:

  1. Take a picture of yourself with a sign that says ‘r/roastme’
  2. Come up with a witty title about yourself
  3. Stock up on aloe, milk and Tums
  4. Try not to cry

Pretty simple. Now I know a lot of you are saying “Oh how bad can it be, they’re just some internet trolls”, well guess again. I’ve personally seen some of the most brutal and truthful roasts of people in the history of the internet. If you don’t believe me go check it out for yourself, the link I’ve included shows the top scoring posts of all time, so generally they’re the best ones.

Top Posts from reddit.com/r/roastme

So yeah you get the idea. Now a good journalist never reveals his sources, but an insider has confirmed to me that DG is sweating bullets about this post, and rightfully so after dodging a punishment for nearly an entire year. But this isn’t even the best part. We’re gonna leave the post up for a few days, maybe a week, who knows. As long as the roasts keep coming in it’ll be up. Once it’s over, LTS and myself will be hand picking the top roasts and making DG read them aloud to you guys the viewers. So be on the lookout for that as well.

Overall I think this gonna be one of the best things the Mix has done yet, especially since it’s at DG’s (The golden boy lol) expense. Someone needs to knock him down a peg or two. Remember to spread the word and leave your own message for Dan.

The Link is now live. You can check out the reddit post here. Remember no mercy.

Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/7b9w9q/kid_lost_his_own_fantasy_football_punishment/ 

DG is ready for ya.

 

-Producer Jim, Daily Mix Report.

Producer Jim’s Debut: Sarah Hyland Gives Halsey A Run For Her Money

My debut for the Mix. Let’s do this.

I think by now we all know that DG has a sick obsession with The Chainsmokers. Obsession might not even be the right word to encompass how much of a fanboy he is. Either way, he’s not alone (even though his company are mostly white girls ages 12-30). It’s a known fact that the Chainsmokers have been absolutely killing it in the pop music industry. I remember when they released “Selfie”, and back then I would have told you that they’re just a flash in the pan. I couldn’t have been more wrong. You can’t go out to a bar on a weekend night without hearing “Closer” at least twice in a night, and seeing all the drunken white girls dancing and singing shouting incoherently along.

I can only speak for myself, but I am not the biggest fan of the Chainsmokers. I mean I totally have to give them props for killing it right now, but it’s simply just pop music. I can write a whole article on the state of pop today, but I’ll save that for another article.

With any number one Top 40 song comes a barrage of Youtube covers ranging from semi-professional musicians to shitty covers by girls with their boobs pushed up mediocrely singing into their webcams (and getting insane views for obvious reasons). Now usually I just go through these covers for about 10 seconds and rarely find something I actually like. However, this time I was pleasantly surprised by a certain cover by an unexpected celebrity, Sarah Hyland. You guys probably know Sarah from Modern Family, one of the few funny shows on broadcast television today. She’s a great actress, but I had no idea that she was a singer as well!

It appears that Hyland teamed up with this indie band called “Boyce Avenue” to cover Closer, and what a job they did. They tore the entire song down to make an awesome acoustic cover that actually makes it bearable to listen to. I’m usually not the biggest fan of acoustic covers but I think it’s safe to say that I actually… kind of… enjoyed it… Don’t believe me? Well take a listen to right now.

See! Not bad! It’s safe to say that Hyland gives Halsey a run for her money. Halsey does have a decent voice, but I never thought it was anything incredible. At best she’s an average pop singer with a ton of vocal effects to make her sound like every other female pop vocalist, no soul etc. I even listened to some of her solo stuff and couldn’t even stomach it. It was horrendous. Sarah has a much better voice than her.

My only question now is if Sarah Hyland is going to pursue a music career in addition to her acting career. It wouldn’t be the first time. Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and others have done this and received success in the industry. I speculate this wasn’t just done for fun. I could see her using this as a way to break into the music industry. Who knows maybe she’ll receive offers from bigger artists or maybe even release her own album in the future. Either way I’m excited to see where this goes.

I’m Producer Jim, Daily Mix Report News.

***DG EDITOR’S NOTE: Just cause I like the Chainsmokers does not mean I have a sick obsession with them. Sure, I would go on tour with them in a heartbeat, but that doesn’t mean it’s a sick obsession. Can’t wait to go to a Chainsmokers concert and live it up with people who appreciate good music. Halsey is dece as well. Grow up, Jim.***